So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
