party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
