I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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