so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
