I should be sponsored by Trojan
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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