Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My feet surprised me
I love you.
Bad choice
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
