omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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