Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I accidentally had phone sex last night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
