if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
