Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
