please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
