yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
