why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
