I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
