wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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