I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
