It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
