He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
