Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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