its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you would pick up someone in the library
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
