wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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