everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
