Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
