I puked a lego.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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