evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
