I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
