if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The air was thick with penises
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
