my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize