talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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