hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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