i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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