a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just high enough for therapy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
