if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
