census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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