she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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