So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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