there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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