And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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