I'm lost and stupid without you.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
