so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
