you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He better not be in your backpack
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
