I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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