I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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