Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
