Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
