Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
