all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
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