the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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