I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
