So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
