our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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