She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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