he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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