remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
