i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
