There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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