Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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