Too much gin, very little bucket
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
