So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
