I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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