so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
