drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
