pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
