Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
